1F56N-444 White Rodgers - is this some kind of a sick twisted joke ?!?!?

Control unit has gone bad.

Customer is old school.

Doesn't want any electronics, especially "NO MORE BATTERIES!!!"

So I call up Emerson: "What do you have in the way of old school mechanical controls?"

Emerson rep looks it up: "1F56N-444".

I call around; nobody local has the part in stock.

I find it on the internet; order it.

A few days later, it arrives.

Four sheets of plastic, with a bunch of electrical contacts on them.

But for some reason, I can't seem to get all the parts to click together.

So I read the instructions, and read them again, and again, and again. [Which doesn't take any time whatsoever, because effectively there aren't any instructions at all, just a bunch of corporate gobbledygook nonsense.]

And then finally it starts to dawn on me: I'm supposed to use the wall mount screws to hold the thing together?

It doesn't self-assemble?

Two wall mount screws are supposed to force the whole mess into place and make it all work in tandem?

Somehow all those electrical contacts will magically align up with one another, and never jimmy out of whack with each other?

Am I missing something here?

Please tell me this is a joke.

[Emerson support went home for the weekend, so I can't call them before Monday.]

I was so angry, I can't even talk about it now; I'd use language that would get me banned before I even had a chance to become a proper member here.

But boy am I shaking my head.

SMDH.

Please, somebody tell me I'm missing something obvious here.

Thanks!!!!!